Going out for a drink in Stellenbosch can be slightly difficult if you aren’t a student, or maybe you are a student but you don’t enjoy sitting in the vaguely sticky ashtray that is Bohemia.

For the working individual who wants a more upmarket bar experience, you really have two options: on the one hand you have Balboa, named after the fictional boxer Rocky Balboa, a bar that caters to the younger professional. Balboa has a minimum entrance age of 23 and a wide variety of cocktails and craft beers which cater to millennial hipsters who are now part of the workforce.

On the other hand, you have Bar Baric, a sub-enterprise of Doppio Zero. It caters to a slightly older crowd and is populated by gentlemen in dinner jackets and decorative neck scarves, and ladies in pearls and faux fur gilets. On the surface it seems obvious which bar you should visit determined by the number of fluffy vests in your cupboard.

However if you’re unsure, or your gilet is still at the dry cleaner’s, here’s an in-depth comparison to help you decide.

Pitting the two bars against each other in the heavyweight-championship, punch (technically a cocktail)-up of the year, there are three categories: aesthetic, service and cocktail taste. Let the games begin!

Rocky Balboa’s opponent (representing Bar Baric), sports a fabulous faux fur gilet, as he tries to land a hit. PHOTO: Michael Davidson (edited still from the movie: Rocky Balboa)

In the red corner we have Bar Baric, the hotspot for the barbarian quadragenerian.

 

Walking into Bar Baric, the faux-crystal chandelier light shades, beautiful marble bar, burnished copper cocktail equipment and slightly dull mirror give the place a kind of Victorian-noir look to it. Bar Baric is what the Palace of Versailles would be if it were a movie directed by Tim Burton. Black walls, sombre monochromatic murals, and tarnished copper accents.

Jokes aside, Bar Baric has a classical and finished look about it. Nothing feels as if its out of place. From the polish on the copper cocktail stirrers, shakers and jiggers (the double sided shot glass for measuring alcohol), to the smooth finish of the grey-speckled white marble bar-counter, Bar Baric feels classic and chic, like a well-made cocktail dress.

If you like class, Bar Baric is the place for you. As mentioned previously, the general clientele that frequent Bar Baric are slightly more… mature. The average age is somewhere between the early 30’s and late 40’s. For Stellenbosch, that’s an older crowd.

Most of the people there have had a few promotions to say the least. The pearl necklaces, fine dinner jackets and faux fur gilets are definitive indicators of the income bracket, which is not to say that only those types of people are welcome.

To be clear, these weren’t the only people in the bar, and while I was on the receiving end of a few strange looks in my beat-up, second-hand khaki jacket and tousled bed-head hair, I was greeted warmly and served with a smile the entire night.

A customer in a quilted white jacket pouring her tonic water into her glass, completing her gin and tonic. PHOTO: Michael Davidson

In terms of service I was slightly disappointed. The bar was averagely busy and it still took a fair amount of time for my drink to arrive. After being asked what I’d like to drink, the bartender proceeded to nod, move on to the next person, take their order and complete theirs first. Which, as far as I’m aware, is not the normal order of service at bars. Maybe I was looking particularly ugly, or maybe he was trying to avoid me as I’d just mentioned I was a journalist.

After that however, it was smooth sailing, until it came to pay that is. I asked for the bill, to which I was given a nod of assent. It then took a good 20 minutes for it to arrive, after which I still had to wait for the card machine.

In all fairness though, this slowness, which as a born and bred Joburger I cannot stand, seems to be an issue endemic to the Western Cape rather than any particular flaw in Bar Baric, and to be fair he did let me film him making my Negroni.

Which brings me to the drink itself.

I ordered a Negroni, which is described by Gin Foundry as “the very definition of balance and simplicity.” Bar Baric’s version was no exception. Elegantly poured over a single, large ice cube with the correct garnish, it was a delicious balance between the sweet vermouth and the more bitter gin and Campari. Bar Baric’s bartenders know what they’re doing.

The menu in general is simple with a small number of classic cocktails prepared perfectly. Some of the cocktails take an innovative twist on a well-known classic. For example, Bar Baric’s Old Fashioned is called an Old Smokey and the glass is used to capture wood smoke prior to the drink being poured to infuse it with a smokey umami flavour. The bar has over 40 types of alcohol which adds to its rating.

Review:

Aesthetic – 7/10

Service – 5/10

Cocktail – 8/10

In the blue corner we have Balboa, a… hipster with some boxing gloves.

Between Balboa’s perch above Exclusive Books on Andringa Street and it’s only entrance being a small, fairly discrete door, the bar already gives off an air of exclusivity. A place for those “in the know”. Before entering, you can tell that it’s going to be flooded with very “cool” people. People with piercings and man-bun hairstyles, dyed hair and more piercings.

Which is great! I love self-expression. However, the type of people these places tend to attract, are those who for some reason think they’re better and more knowledgeable (woke) than you, despite the fact that you’re in the same bar, drinking the same cocktails and adjusting identical man-buns.

Walking inside it’s easy to see that the bar caters for a younger audience. The Black Keys and other alternative rock groups blare over the speakers. The decor is somewhere between a recording studio and boxing hall of fame.

For some reason there’s a DJ table right at the door and placed underneath a TV screen positioned in such a way that I’m sure the DJ must spend the whole shift crouching.

Overall, it’s young and trendy and yet somehow nostalgic of a simpler time. Maybe it’s all the suspenders and beards the bartenders wear.

The most striking difference between Balboa and Bar Baric, is that Balboa is marketed at people who don’t want to see who they’re drinking with. The muted lighting and black… everything, makes it quite difficult to make out the other drinkers let alone the menu.

For a bar branded with the name of Rocky Balboa, there’s a surprising lack of images of Sylvester Stallone as Rocky Balboa. There are however, multiple prints of Muhammad Ali. Maybe they should consider changing the name to Ali’s.

In terms of service, Balboa knocks Bar Baric out cold. I was greeted as soon as I entered the room, guided to a seat at the bar and was attended presently by a bearded bartender with rolled-up sleeves.

Additionally, you’re asked if you’d like to sit in the smoking or non-smoking “section”. By which they mean to ask “would you like to sit near the wall with no windows or would you like to sit by the thin, barely opened slats on the other side of the same, undivided, hazy and smoke-filled room?”

While the menu at Balboa is far more varied than that of Bar Baric’s, the cocktails are nowhere near the same quality. The two locations’ drinks are of a similar price range.

I ordered an Old Fashioned and was summarily presented with a Fanta coloured monstrosity. The fact that it was garnished with Glacé cherries in the traditional style is about the only part of the drink that resembled an Old Fashioned.

Muddled, sugar, bitters and bourbon or rye whiskey finished with a twist of citrus, that’s a traditional Old Fashioned. Nowadays though, the drink can be made with any suitable spirit.

For all intents and purposes then, I didn’t receive what I ordered. The speed of the drink delivery was great and would have been made better if I had in fact ordered a flat Fanta and whiskey float.

Similarly to all the prints of Muhammad Ali, there’s something slightly off-brand about a trendy cocktail-bar that can’t make an Old Fashioned and I’m surprised more people don’t comment on it.

Then again, the crowd consists mainly of workplace hipsters who like to pretend they know more than you, so I’m sure they sip their flat Fanta with relish.

Despite the disaster in a glass I was served, the time I spent in Balboa wasn’t all bad. Its somewhere I’ll definitely be at more often, except I’ll stick to beer (which isn’t a bad route to go, they have an incredible variety of craft beers available).

Review:

Aesthetic – 7/10

Service – 9/10

Cocktail – 2/10

Both are viable locations for a night out, it depends what your priorities are. If you prefer good service to a good cocktail, go to Balboa. If it is the other way around, go to Bar Baric.

Bar Baric is definitely a more placid location. Whereas the music at Balboa inherently makes the place feel more electric.

If Bar Baric is class, Balboa is alternative rock.